I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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