I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
