is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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