I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
