Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
