apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
