I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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