We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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