Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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