i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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