Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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