that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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