it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
