8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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