Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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