If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
