All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
