is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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