he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
