idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
