fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
