god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
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I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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