At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
