pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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