Your face is a jimmy john
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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