Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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