bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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