I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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