No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize