He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
