I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
