Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
