Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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