Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize