1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
