Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
