I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
