My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
