im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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