Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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