sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize