I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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