Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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