i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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