why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
