his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
