You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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