what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
