Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize