put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
