I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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