Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My life is pants optional.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
