So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
found the other keg... it's in the tree
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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