Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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