I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
