I wanna bring you to show and tell
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
