I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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