My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
