The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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