i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
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Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
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You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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