i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
