I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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