Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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