I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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