she smelled like a LAN party
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
