he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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