Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
