You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
