I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
