Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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