I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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