Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
