What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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