So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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