they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
